Every time I move, every new year, every birthday...I begin to think of the person that I want to be and the changes I should make to become said person. I want to be the woman who keeps an immaculate house that is cutely decorated and changes with the holidays/seasons to become a festive and warm place. The woman whose house is featured in Real Simple magazine. I want to know where everything in the house is, because it's so neatly organized that anyone could find it. I want to be the woman who can serve a fabulous 5-course meal without a second thought. I want to wear fashionable, age-appropriate clothes that all go together perfectly. I want to be the woman walking down the street with the cute scarf that exactly matches her outfit. I want to be the flexible woman in the yoga class that can easily slide into a perfect split. I want to be the girl running down the road at a 7-minute mile, looking comfortable (not gasping for air). I want to be the woman who wakes up on the weekend and puts on her hiking boots and heads for the hills. I want to be spiritual and serene, knowing that I can only control so much in this world and the rest will just happen.
Instead, I'm the woman whose house is clean, but definitely "lived-in". The woman who tries desperately to ensure her holiday ornaments are stored neatly so they can be found next year, but inevitably ends up buying new things each year because she can't find the old ones. I'm the woman who tried to make a souffle today, and realized she should stick with chocolate chip cookies. I'm the woman who throws on jeans and whatever shirt happens to be clean and pays no attention to accessories. The woman who throws her hair in a bun because it's just so much easier than pulling the blow dryer out from under the sink (at least I know where that is!). I'm the woman in the yoga class who can't touch her toes, let alone slide into a perfect split. I'm the woman who hits the road in her running shoes and huffs along at whatever pace feels good that day. I'm the woman who sits on the couch on Saturday, trying to recover from the week. I'm the woman who can't sit still and meditate for 5 minutes because work, class, chores, and so much more go running through her mind. I'm the woman who wants to be in control of everything, but fails day after day.
And when I think about it, I'm glad I'm the woman I am. The woman I want to be gives me something to work towards. She gives me hope that I'll continue to get better. But I'm happier than I've ever been and I love my life. So I guess I'll continue to get out of bed, throw on whatever I want, tie my hair up in a knot, slide on my sneakers and trot down the road at whatever pace I feel like.
